Watch Your Thoughts

We’ve all heard it. Watch your thoughts. But maybe you’ve never thought about it in this way; how you think determines how you feel.  What you think about your step kids, determines how you feel. If you think they’re a nuisance, my guess is you feel irritated or bothered. If you think they’re rude, maybe frustration.

Think about the last time your stepkids were over. What is the feeling that rises up? Is it irritation, frustration, sadness or overwhelm? Or happy, peace and excitement?

Now, write down what you are thinking.

Look at what you wrote.

The thought on your paper is why you feel all those negative emotions. Believe it or not, it’s notyour step kids. It’s your thoughts about them that’s causing your feelings. You might be thinking, no way, it’s because they ignore me. I promise you, it’s not. But guess what?  That’s the greatest news.

How is that good news? Because my friend, you are the thinker of your thoughts. The thoughts you have are in your control. Just like you create negative ones, you can create positive. It will take time but what do you have to lose? What’s the alternative to keeping your old thoughts?

When my stepsons entered the house, I had thoughts like,

  • What if there’s fighting again
  • What if they don’t like me
  • I bet they don’t even want to be here
  • I don’t want to do this again
  • This is so hard

Immediately I started to feel stress, worry or frustration. Was it because they came over? No. It was because of my thoughts.

What if my thoughts had been,

  • This could be a good visit
  • I’m glad Joel gets to see his boys
  • It’s possible it will be better this time

Then what would I have been feeling? Probably content or hopeful. Sure, not excitement, no cartwheels for this stepmom, but in the beginning, baby steps. I would’ve taken anything over the worry and dread.

You see, the way you think about your situation causes all the feelings you’re trying to run away from. Nobody can fix that but you. You’re the only one with the power to change it. Are you willing? Let me show you how. It’s totally doable.